06/17/2026
The Sultan of Spreadsheets tried to enter his soft serve era…
Unfortunately, the swirl did not pass review.
Zach may be able to reconcile accounts, manage formulas, and make spreadsheets behave, but this cone said, “I’m not here for accuracy. I’m here for chaos.”
Current status:
📊 Spreadsheet skills: elite
🍦 Swirl skills: under audit
🚢 Vacation mode: fully activated
Please keep Zach in your thoughts as he navigates this difficult transition from CPA legend to cruise ship dairy apprentice.