10/30/2026
Here’s a heads-up: in a few days, you’re going be besieged by ghosts, ghouls, goblins, vampires, and werewolves of every description. But don’t panic — it’s only Halloween.
Preparing for this spookiest of holidays got me thinking: what should my clients do if real ghosts, vampires, or zombies start appearing on their doorsteps?
I realized that there’s been a gap in the financial advice I’ve been providing. None of it can help clients deal with the supernatural!
I’ve decided to remedy that. Here are some tips on how to protect your finances from the clutches of the undead.
🧟 ZOMBIES
Surprisingly, business channels like CNBC® are effective early-warning systems for a zombie apocalypse, as they frequently provide footage of stock exchanges around the world. Keep a close eye on the traders working at these exchanges. Signs to watch out for: moaning, blood-shot eyes, and masses of people incoherently staggering around each other. It can only mean one thing:
Zombies.
My advice? Never entrust your money to a zombie. They are notoriously bad at investing, because given the chance, they’ll put all their money into braiiiiiiinnnnns.
🧛 VAMPIRES
Fortunately, you already know how to deal with vampires. That’s because vampires have two things in common with another foe: Door-to-door salespeople. Both want to suck you dry…and both can only get into your house if you invite them in.
🐺 WEREWOLVES
Invest in silver.
(Just kidding. I don’t provide investment advice on social media.)
👻 GHOSTS
Ghosts are nothing more than restless spirits unable to move on because of unfinished business in this world.
In other words, they never got their estate planning done.
It’s a known fact that the majority of hauntings come in households that haven’t created a will, designated beneficiaries, or established a trust.
So, if chairs start to move across your kitchen floor, or disembodied voices echo around the room, don’t fret; as soon as you get your estate planning done, those unquiet souls will be banished forever.
Happy Halloween!