15/04/2026
Helping Mum: how I helped a friend's mother after she lost her husband.
David* and I have known each other for years (all names in this story are fictional to protect identities). But because we’re friends, he’s never wanted to muddy the waters by working with me and possibly bringing money into our friendship. I have other clients who are good friends and they like knowing that I’ll always look out for their best interests and tell it to them straight. But I respected this decision on David’s part, because I knew some of his family history and why his approach was more about him than about me.
David’s father John* died quite suddenly, leaving his mother Pat* on her own. Pat is a kind, quick-witted and active lady – although knee and hip replacements have taken their toll on her golfing, and she’s now more likely to be playing bridge with her friends.
The timing of John’s death – it happened very quickly and came as a shock – meant that Pat was caught quite unprepared. One particular issue was that John had been the one who organised and managed all of the household finances, including pensions and other investments. True to the stereotype, John had worked for years with an ‘old boy’ from one of the big investment houses who he’d known from his days in the city. Pat had previously not felt as confident as John about financial matters, nor wanted to intrude, trusting that John would organise things.
David asked me if I could come to meet Pat and have a chat with her. It was lovely to see her again after many years - we’d only met briefly a few times when David and I were at university. But we enjoyed speaking together, sharing a common bond of fondness for David and all his quirks. It was immediately clear that Pat had both emotional and practical needs.
Emotionally, Pat needed to:
- Build up confidence in her financial knowledge and decision-making
- Have the support of someone she felt comfortable to talk with about the many different options available and actions that might be taken
- Feel the reassurance of having a plan to ensure that she would be independent and in control of her own affairs
Practically, Pat needed to:
- Work with other executors to finalise probate after John’s death
- Update her own Will and, if necessary, her own Powers of Attorney in case of loss of legal capacity
- Get to grips with her new situation in terms of income and expenses
- Get a clear overview of the revised financial landscape now that she was the sole owner of all properties, investments and other assets
- Make informed decisions about how to manage her income and expenditure as well as her assets going forward.
Pat decided that she felt more comfortable with me than she had in the meeting with John’s ‘old boy’ from the big firm. It did also feel a bit late that he suddenly wanted to see her now, after practically ignoring her for twenty years. He was pretty close to retirement age himself, and Pat didn’t fancy outlasting her supposed adviser.
So we spent several weeks and a series of meetings pulling together the different practical and emotional issues that we wanted to resolve.
During this process I was able to help Pat with several issues:
- John had been overpaying for expensive but not particularly well-performing investments, with very limited financial planning beyond mere investment advice being given, despite the relatively high fees.
- John had his own ISA full of an eclectic mix of different investments – likely picked over years of tinkering with tips from the daily newspapers, which John had enjoyed as a sort of hobby. But from an outside perspective it was a portfolio that didn’t make any strategic sense. Emotionally here it was important for Pat to feel she could move on, rather than having to keep all the investments as John had them, which would the equivalent of leaving all of his clothes in the wardrobe to gather dust.
- Pat felt very reassured when I was able to build her a cashflow plan showing her forecast expenditure for the rest of her life, taking into account incomes being received including spouse pensions from John’s Defined Benefit Scheme as well as the State Pension, and that she would be self-sufficient.
- We also then had to consider how to handle a likely Inheritance Tax bill in the future – 40% tax on everything above £1 million – based on the combined value of Pat’s home, the various investments, and from April 2027, the combined value of her and John’s defined contribution pension pots.
Pat and I are continuing to work on things together – it is an ongoing process. Estate planning decisions have involved discussions with David and his sister, so these things take time. But we’re making good progress, and Pat is enjoying her life, even though it’s clear that she still misses John very much after the many decades of their marriage.
Do you know someone who could use support with their personal finances? Or with intergenerational planning and being strategic about potential inheritance tax?
Get in touch if you would like to have a chat or would like to set up a no-obligation conversation with me for someone you care about.
NOTE: The value of your investment can go down as well as up. Past performance is not a reliable indicator of future results. None of the above is financial or investment advice and you should speak to me or someone else professionally qualified to give you advice specifically tailored to your circumstances.
