Osman Sabir Coaching

06/09/2016

I have an anecdote for you that demonstrates nicely why sitting on the fence and delaying decisions can really screw you over.

I went to a fantastic charity event on Saturday. The main raffle prize at this event was a brand new PlayStation 4. Now any male who grew up in the 90’s will appreciate my love for PlayStations - even in my thirties. I’m pretty sure I’ll be buying the PlayStation 28 in my Seventies.

As I was about to buy tickets, I had some doubts enter into my mind, with two big ones. Firstly, if I win will this distract from my work? Secondly, if I win, will it distract from quality time with my family and friends. That might sound a bit extreme but what boys don’t remember their 7-hour FIFA and Pro Evo marathons during university?

Anyhow, I spent ages mulling over this. While I was doing this, my wife’s friend arrived at the event and went over and bought a strip of tickets almost immediately. Shortly afterwards I finally thought, “bugger it” and bought my own. Mine was the next strip of tickets purchased after this friend got his.

When the raffle was drawn, guess who won the PlayStation? The friend. The chap who didn’t agonise over it. Not the person who dithered and bought the next strip.

I’m not going to lie, I actually wanted to hurt him a little bit. My doubts about having a Playstation weren’t entirely invalid. But it was pretty clear in hindsight how awesome it would have been to win. Thinking about it, I know that I’d easily manage any concerns about using it too much.

Now, I’ll probably go out and buy one after that episode. But it still makes me think "Damn!” and “what if I had just got in a few minutes earlier”

Moral of the story? If you dither, you’ll end up regretting it.

Now this is a pretty minor example. But what if you have a desire to change or achieve something, and in five years (or even one year) you look back not having taken any action to get there? How will it feel saying “what if” or knowing that you can’t say that you left no stone unturned to get what you really wanted? That to me feels like a sad place to be.

If there’s something you want to do or change, then at least get on with starting. Whether that’s finding a more fulfilling career or changing something in your personal life.

If you don’t know how to make that happen or could do with some help, give me a shout and I’ll make sure you don’t suffer from PlayStation syndrome.

28/08/2016

When I have a consultation with a prospective client, I'm regularly left in awe of what they have achieved in life and/or work, or the way they have fought back when life has seriously beaten them down. It sounds like a cliche but it is genuinely inspirational.

Yet about 90% of the time these people don't recognise, or fully believe, just what they've done. That is often symptomatic of how they view themselves. Sometimes this lack of self-recognition can be due to societal conditioning, sometimes it can be because of one's upbringing. Often it can also be the way one's mindset changes after working in a certain environment for an appreciable length of time.

There are obviously other reasons too. But once I get clients believing in themselves again, that's where the possibilities really open up for them to achieve what they want in life.

So a question for you - is there something you've done that doesn't feel like a big deal to you, but which others would recognise as a big thing?

25/08/2016

Rocky really does speak the truth....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JAHAFvcr2o

Rocky Balboa's Inspirational Speech To His Son [HD] My website http://www.ciprianvatamanu.ro You ain't gonna believe this, but you used to fit right here. (H...

16/08/2016

If there’s something that can create a fundamental shift in how you live your life or make you re-evaluate what is important, it is going through a personal tragedy, or coming close to one.

After posting here on a regular basis, I’ve had a gap of about a month. That is down to some personal circumstances that until recently took my attention away from my coaching practice.

My first child was born on 14th July and whilst he is now back home, healthy and happy (and, thankfully, a sleeper at night!), he had a really rough time right after he was born. To cut a long story short, we were informed after birth that his situation was precarious, with doctors unable to provide any reassurances about either his short-term or long-term health. As an aside, I’d like to publicly state my immense gratitude to the team in the neo-natal intensive care unit at University College London Hospital. These people make miracles happen every day. To them, we might be another patient they have helped. To us, they are gods. Our baby is home and healthy, and that is down to their amazing work.

Anyhow, I remember the feeling during those initial days. Nothing can prepare you for the emotional trauma of having a child in hospital with a life-threatening condition. Seconds and minutes feel like hours and the only way to operate is an odd form of autopilot whereby the rest of your life ceases to exist. Even after doctors became cautiously optimistic about his chances, the immense anxiety about risks to his recovery remained. I can only describe it as an out of body experience.

Since bringing him home though and enjoying the beginning of what feels like a very different life, I've reflected on what I can learn from this experience. The upshot to all of this is that I've been able to remind myself that I’m living my life in a way that feels perfect to me at the moment.

Being self-employed can be scary, it can be lonely and it can induce a lot of anxiety - especially as I am a naturally anxious person (I've previously been diagnosed with severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Generalised Anxiety Disorder). But an experience like this makes you re-evaluate everything. I questioned what values are important to me in life and work at the moment, and whether I'm being true to those values. Despite all my anxiety, for me at the moment, the answer is well and truly yes. That feels like a good place to be.

So as clichéd as this might sound, you don’t know what tomorrow might bring. It could just be another normal day. It probably will be. However, there's always a chance you might die, or suffer a tragedy that will turn your life upside down. So why live your life now in a way that might one day leave you wondering "what if"?

Given this, ask yourself, what would a life of no regrets look like to you? After answering this, what step (big or small) can you take today to move towards that life?

08/07/2016

I’ve heard a lot of people say it's time to stop wallowing and to start dealing with Brexit, along with many responses telling said people in a not so diplomatic manner that if they want to carry on expressing their views, then they will.

The crazy thing about the Brexit vote is how it has so deeply touched or affected so many of us personally, in a way that general elections, or politics in general, have never come close to doing. Much of that is about the uncertainty the vote has created – financially, business-wise, residency-wise (don’t get me started on Theresa May’s refusal to guarantee the rights of EU nationals living here), politically and whatever else.

However, there’s clearly something deeper going on here. The very idea of Brexit has touched “Remainers” to the core. For those who voted “In”, the undercurrent of so many arguments out there is that leaving the EU goes against deeply held values that dictate how they live their lives. What exactly those values are will differ person to person – examples include openness, integration, variety in life, tolerance, valuing being part of something bigger etc. But clearly for them, Brexit has hit those values like a tsunami.

So to people that say “get over it”, I’d say make more of an effort to understand why Brexit is evoking such strong reactions.

More to the point though, what lessons can we take from this for ourselves?

When it comes to making decisions in life, or work, it is crucial to make choices that are in line with your core values. Sounds obvious, but it really is surprising how often this doesn’t happen. It’s a big reason why people end up in seemingly successful careers yet become so disenchanted with what they are doing. Because either the work they do goes against what they value in life, or doesn’t feed those values at all. Another classic case is why relationships fail – there can be a multitude of reasons but so often I’ve seen that a fundamental clash of values can, over time, destroy the connection between two people.

When I work with clients to help them make (often huge) changes in their lives, exploring one’s values almost always comes up. And rightly so because often it helps them see how much they act against what really feels important to them deep down. This is either because they’re conditioned to act in a certain way or they’re not aware, at least consciously, of their values.

So my message here is to figure out what’s important to you. What is it that you value most in life? It sounds like an obvious question but far too few of us are clear about the answer. Once you have a grip on this it can act as a guide for all of your future decision-making. All of your decisions come from a deeper and clearer conviction of what is right for you.

That conviction is vital when it comes to making changes or confronting tough situations – it helps you get through the inevitable and natural anxiety, confusion and worry that can arise when taking action.

It’s that extra conviction and sense of clarity that will drive you and help you when you’re out of your comfort zone.

The power of this when it comes to your own happiness can be, in a word, enormous.

05/07/2016

Superb article in the Huffington Post by one of my favourite comedians, Mark Dolan. It is about how 24/7 technology numbs our senses, and how the boredom that arises from switching off can actually improve our overall sense of happiness.

Feels very relevant. Especially to those of us (I hold my hand up here) who have been so transfixed by everything Brexit!

Well worth a read! What one thing can you do this week to induce some boredom and reconnect with yourself?

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/mark-dolan/mark-dolan-comedy_b_10767866.html

THE BLOG Boredom Is the Key to Happiness 01/07/2016 10:19 | Updated 3 days ago Mark Dolan Broadcaster and comedian Qi Yang via Getty Images When were you last bored? It never happens does it? If you think about it, we have eradicated it from our lives. Boredom is so last century. A recent day trip t...

01/07/2016

Blimey. It’s been an interesting week, to put it mildly…

I haven’t posted here for a while as I've admittedly been transfixed by all the post-Brexit chaos, like most people.

I’m not going to rehash my many personal opinions about it. There are enough people on every social media platform known to man expressing their emotions, judgements and thoughts. So we don’t need to add another to that mix.

What I am going to focus on though is how the current political situation in the UK in some ways often mirrors that of our own lives - and what we can learn from it to help deal with our own personal chaos.

It’s probably fair to say that this country is now in an existential crisis. Divided by politics, geography and various demographics, we’re in for a long ride where various groups are effectively fighting for competing visions of what type of country we should be. Even though “Remain” lost, having seen how government works from the inside, I’d be flabbergasted if there wasn’t a huge amount of further twisting and turning before we really know a) whether we indeed leave the EU and b) what kind of country we become.

The received wisdom appears to be that many “Leave” voters went that way because they felt that they’d been left behind economically and socially. Whatever your views about the tone of the campaign, the referendum provided them with an opportunity to register their discontentment with life.

Most will agree that the result of the referendum has changed our country forever. A huge pot of issues and challenges, left unresolved and unaddressed, has suddenly boiled over in a single day. Which will have consequences for generations to come.

And therein lies the crux in terms of lessons for us personally. The referendum result and expected chaos that is likely to follow came about because we as a country didn’t properly address the many challenges we’ve been faced with.

This is often what happens with us personally. We get to a point in our lives where we're desperate for change. Not necessarily desperate in health terms. But because we've had enough of the status-quo. Often that desperation is a result of not tackling challenges head-on sooner. Or in other words, sweeping things under the carpet. This isn't laziness or weakness - it is human nature to want to avoid pain, fear or confronting difficult situations. So if one can tolerate something (an unfulfilling job, bad relationship, low motivation, low confidence etc) and carry on, then that’s what will happen.

My clients often come to me when they’ve reached a point where the pain of confronting a tough situation is no longer as bad as the pain of maintaining the status quo. Unsurprisingly, this is where Coaching can be incredibly powerful in helping change lives.

Is that you? I help people in this state of mind change their lives - day in, day out. So give me a shout and let's see how we can turn things around for you.

22/06/2016

This is genius.

I'm 100% sure this guy was wondering in the back of his mind whether what he was doing was a waste of time, and whether it'd look silly when he sent his CV out. The chances of him being "fearless" were probably pretty slim. But he pushed on, despite the probable doubts, took a risk and is now reaping the rewards.

It goes to show that persistence and trying new things both hold the key to getting what you want in life, despite the doubts that can so often crop up along the way.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/36588029/this-graduate-made-his-cv-look-like-gq-magazine---and-it-worked

A graduate made his CV in the style of his favourite magazine to get the attention of its editor - and it worked.

20/06/2016

A fantastic coaching colleague of mine, Liz Goodchild, was listening to a podcast on personal development where this person said how much more fulfilling life becomes when you find your "purpose".

Liz asked for thoughts about this - is the concept of a life purpose bu****it, or is there something to it? Or to put it another way, a lot of people seem to wonder whether there's that one "thing" out there for us that will make us fulfilled, once we find it. So I thought I'd give my two pennies as its something that comes up often with my clients, and friends for that matter. It'd be good to hear your thoughts too.

One of the most common thing I hear from friends and clients who want to change their career is that they don't know what else to do and they don't know what their "purpose" is. Quite a few people have also ask me how I found mine (they often assume that I have found my "purpose")

I personally think the concept of having a "purpose" is rubbish. But living life with purpose, having something to work or aim towards, doing something you enjoy doing or feel passionate about, is most certainly not rubbish. I'm not saying I'm right. Its just my view and I don't begrudge others who disagree.

I also don't believe that life coaching is my "purpose". But I love it, I enjoy it on day-to-day basis, and it gives me something big to aim towards in terms of wanting to help more people be more fulfilled and maximise their potential. My own business goals also drive me forward. It feels like a mission for me. But that's different to it being my "purpose" in life.

I often see people put off doing anything when they feel stuck because they don't know what their "purpose" is. Or what their passion is (if we're going to get pedantic the terms purpose and passion obviously mean different things - but in this case they are often used interchangeably). They look at people who "know" or who have "found it" and often believe you either know or you don't. If you don't, then you just accept it.

So I encourage them, and its easier with some than others, to forget about the idea of finding a "passion" or "purpose". But to think about what interests you or what arouses your curiosity. And then just go and do something about it. Anything. Go to a workshop, a seminar, a social or networking event. Research it online, watch some videos on youtube. Download an app about it. Anything. Carry on finding out more about it.

Often you'll go down routes which you realise are dead-ends and you stop. Then you go and try something else. Without accepting that this is a process of trial and error, and of learning about yourself, you stay stuck where you are. It took me 29 years to realise coaching is the career I want to pursue. It took me 32 years to have the balls to pursue it full-time. But I'd been trying out different things for several years before that (those who know me will remember my laughable attempts at photography!). Without going through that process, I wouldn't have found this.

So go out there and try something new if you want a change. It might take time to time find something you want to pursue but that's OK. Or if you don't try something new, don't complain when you're in the same position in five years time.

If you have any views on this I'd love to hear them!

13/06/2016

This is genius - not sure why it popped into my head again today but I decided to go with it.

A Princeton University professor a few months back posted a CV of all of his failures, with a view to show all of the hard work and disappointments along the way that have gone into his success.

I post this because I have a lot of people say to me that a lot of what holds them back when it comes to doing something differently or taking an action that feels risky, whether at work or in one's personal life, is fear of making the wrong decision or of failure.

This chap's CV of failure shows that things going wrong and failure are inevitable sometimes - but a NECESSARY condition for success, to ultimately realise your potential and to be genuinely happy.

Things will go wrong and not work out sometimes, and that's something that's important to accept. Because once you do accept that, that's when you open up the possibility of living the life you really want.

http://www.theguardian.com/education/2016/apr/30/cv-of-failures-princeton-professor-publishes-resume-of-his-career-lows

Johannes Haushofer bravely posts document listing degree programs he did not get in to and academic positions he did not get

08/06/2016

It’s interesting how successful Professionals in the corporate world are often the one’s who are most unfulfilled, or who want a change more than others. It’s also interesting how rare it is that people who are disgruntled at work are generally happy in most other areas of life - whether it is family life, friends, relationships, personal growth, health etc.

Interesting, but not surprising in the slightest. Often we behave differently at work compared to our personal life. However, in all parts of life we’re still governed by the same mind, emotions, thought processes, beliefs and values. So really it’s not surprising at all.

Client’s often find that by improving one element of their life, they start to notice changes in other areas. Again, not surprising when you consider that you have one mind and one brain, regardless of what you focus on to begin with.

When clients start to see this, it often is a revelation. That’s when momentum towards a more fulfilling life can really start to become unstoppable.

07/06/2016

Just finished a great evening seminar on overcoming the key mistakes that contribute to stress and anxiety. Great engagement from attendees.

Clearly this is an issue that affects a lot of people and often the more successful you at work, the worse the situation can be.

I’ll be looking to re-run this at some point soon so watch this space.